This is the Octopus Post. Yeah yeah, you know what I’m saying, shout-out to all the octopus lovers out there, nam’sayin’? This one goes out to all my hardcore octopus fans, I see y’all! For those that already know me, it ain’t no secret that my Fish Talk game is on point, no questions asked. You’d better check my jewels.

Now, in this fourth Fish Talk episode, I’ma take it to a whole other level. On the strength, this is seafood madness in full effect and I’m about to make mad jaws drop some hits right now. My mind goes deeper than the ocean floor, and that’s where I’ma take y’all. So gnarly!

Not only is the octopus my favorite animal, but it’s also my favourite dish. I’m about to go all out on this matter, so get ready. Whether I’m watching Discovery Channel octopus programs on LSD or I’m cooking the damn thing, my passion for octopuses cannot be underestimated or fucked with.

This is the way I see it. Since I takes my Fish Talk game very seriously, and, I mean, I really ain’ts playing when it comes down to this. Basically, nothing can stop me from applying sea food pimpology in my daily operations.

To me, eating an octopus is like having sex with an alien. I feels like I’m penetrating right into nature’s deepest well, a slimy soul indeed!

When I ask people if they down with eating octopus, I sure leave many people confused. Many mooks out there think I’m talking about eating pussy. Indeed, eating pussy and eating octopus can easily be compared in so many different ways. However, just ‘cuz I love to eat pussy, it don’t mean I can’t gets loose with some of that crazy octopus flavor. You gots to feel me on this one.

In many restaurants, squid is often available and, sadly, octopus ain’t always on the menu. So when Fish Talk prophets just like myself and my man G. Grenstein eat at the restaurant, when octopus is available, we instantly close the menu booklet on some shit like “OH, OH!!! OK! I know what I’m getting!” I tell the bitch “Ughhh! Aight, I’d like, huh, an entree of octopus, and, hmm, a full meal of Octopus! HOW ARE YOU!?”

I’m aware that not too many of you ghetto-ass mooks even knew that octopus could be eaten, though I know that all my drug dealers reading this post have been craving this shit just from reading the first lines of my introduction paragraph.

Octopus is indeed a drug dealer’s breakfast of champs. It’s only normal that gods like Shallah Raekwon mention that they eat it, or better yet, Lord Superb fronting that he be sharing octopus in a jail cell with Inmates.

It is what it is. Eating good. Grub Life in full effect. Hardbody chilling up in this bitch. I’m not talking shit, I’m just saying the truth. BBQ’s every day with the top-notch status is how I gets down.

I mean, it is what it is. I won’t front, octopus is indeed a baller-ass meal. It ain’t no lie that octopus is expensive. You can tell by the price range.

Unlike squid, the meat of the Octopus ain’t rubbery if well cooked. It’s rather tender and smoother. Almost tastes like Chicken. Yooo geee, full bong!

On the real, this is some grown man shit. Fuck your average lettuce-and-tomato healthy-ass salads, this is where the real shit is at, feeel me. Huuuh!? I usually don’t fuck with salads and stuff, but this shit is on some whole other level typa ish, I gots to have it… fuck you faggots!

Introducing the Japanese sesame octopus. Hellagnarly, don’t ax me why they red… all I know is that they hellagnarly.

Wooosh! It’s raining Skittles mang! $$$!

I must say, one of the main disadvantages of the octopus game is that it’s a hard product to steal from your local fish market. This ain’t kindergarten, so let’s get things straight. It’s often sitting on ice next to the fish specialists who are waiting to assist your needs, where they will kindly wrap it up for you and then place a price tag on it. In the end, you still have to remove the octopus from the bag in order to steal it. I mean, I know nothing is impossible, but just think about it for a hot minute.

These things are bigger than they look, so beware. As soon as you lift them up, the tentacles gon’ spread like your girl’s legs while she horny on Ecstasy. Not to mention how slippery they get, they mo’ slippery than a motherfucking catfish! I personally don’t recommend y’all to place the octopus in between your boxers and your belt. It might slip down your pants and tickle your legs while you’re walking out of the store grilling at the security guard. As all of us mooks already know, stealing is always easier in the wintertime. The XXL winter coat with fat pockets was always my personal favorite robbing medium. However, the only thing you gots to deal with is the aftermath that you coat gon’ smell like dead fish for the rest of the winter. Like my man Thirstin’ Howl III said in his track Dreams of Fucking a Cartoon Bitch: “Little Mermaid, her bra made of shells/I know the pussy good, but I’m not trusting the smell.” I think your best bet is to get your girlfriend to stuff the octopus in her purse, but then again, it gon’ smell like fish too. Basically, the purse goes straight to the garbage. Funny thing is, in most cases, the purse still worth more money than the octopus itself.

The Moroccan octopus, looking hellasoft right now. This dead alien looks like a thousand elephant trunks on some biological leprosy ish but no worries, it tastes better than it looks. Before I cook it, I always take pleasure in touching it and sticking my fingers inside the tentacles for a quick tickle.

Let’s say you’re having friends over for supper. Finna pull a stunt? Be sure to give a warm welcome by throwing the octopus at them as they take off their shoes at the entrance of your crib. I mean, fuck man, I’m not here to give cooking instructions. We manage stunts over here. This is Mook Life, for crying out loud. You can allow yourself to do so since the octopus will later on be boiled, so the dirt on the floor won’t be an issue. Whether the octopus lands on the person or not, a stunt is a stunt and I personally believe that it’s the best way to provide a proper introduction to the fam.

Whoa! Look at that asshole, whoadie! So gnarly! Judging by the thick drop shadow at the top of it, I can sense that endless depth from miles away.

Aight, so when you’re finished playing with it, quickly rinse it and get ready to boil this bitch. I got some Styles P blasting in the background, you know I can’t go wrong.

Steady maintaining over the stove like Raekwon the Chef cooking nuffin’ but that marvelous cocaine, with garlic stuffed olives on the side.

No time is wasted. It takes a good hour or so to cook, so it gives you enough time to drink a whole six-pack to your self. Yeeerrrp!

I’m on fire! Yeah, I said it. I only fucks with spicy shit, so you best believe my shit is on flames, yeah! I’ma make it hot for y’all, one time.

Throw that shit up in the mix, on some Funkmaster EF shit like: “Ooh, goddamn this is hot!” Add all the necessary herbs and spices to your olive oil and balsamic vinegar mix. I usually fucks with mad hot pepper flakes, paprika, oregano, salt, pepper, lemon juice and hellagarlic.

Let it sit in the juice for another hour or so. Yes papa! Another six-pack to yourself! Now you get to benefit the effects of twelve beers in your empty stomach before you eat your meal.

Technically, the octopus is already cooked but a little extra crunch is required, so throw that shit on the pan or grill for only a few minutes and then yer all set.

Goddamn, this can’t be life. Some real octo-balling going on over here. I mean, you got some Japanese and some Moroccan octopus on the same fucking plate. Interracial sex at its best. Shit man, full immigrang!!!

Aight, so in this next chamber we gon’ fuck with some smaller ones. It’s basically the same process but unlike the big octopus, the small ones only require ten minutes instead of an hour, so you only get to drink one beer instead of six.

Shit, now I got a motherfucking swarm of aliens in my motherfucking kitchen. Not quite the best time to go skinny dippin’. This is exactly how I expect the alien invasion to look like on December 21st 2012.

There you go. Hellaoily, hellagnarly! I felt like I was at the Rio carnival the way these legs got me buggin’. I really recommend y’all remove the heads tho, or at least clean the inside. I had to come to the conclusion that they tasted like shit. Pas beng beeeng.

Aight, aight. So now we back over the stove with another Moroccan octopus, but in this next episode I finna eat the whole octopus by myself. Basically, my approach in this next chamber is to have the octopus as a main meal rather than an entree or salad. Anorexia ain’t my cup of tea, and I’m sick and tired of receiving octopus as appetizers wherever I go. I’m about to take the octopus game to a whole other level.

Yeah, let dat shit marinate. As you already know, the longer, the better. Ohh shit, whoaday! I’m so crunk right now… I feels like sticking my whole head up in this bowl.

Woosh! Look at dat shit, I can’t believe I’m about to have this whole octopus to myself. The hunger got me showing my teeth like a Walrus.

I’m feeling quite HD right now! Balling outta control with this wicked octopus wisdom. No salads or side dishes, no appetizers or desserts, straight up nuffin’ but Octopus to my dome.

Oh it ain’t over, motherfuckers. You already know how I gets down, spreading out KILLAH-EF. Throwing up a classic 2.5D piece on the wall, honoring the octopus that I truly adore. It’s only right for me to do so. For those that are familiar with my graffiti, you already know that the octopus suction cups done been on my pieces for quite some time now, but this time I took it to another level by adding actual Octopus arms sticking out of my complex wildstyle.

That’s it! The Octopus Post. I hope y’all enjoyed my darts on this one, coming straight from the bottom of a mook’s heart. Word to mother, my darts be flowing like an octopus in that wisdom water. Due to substance abuse, I may not have eight brains like an octopus, but my knowledge is supreme and divine, you best believe that I clutch any topic like the grip of an octopus. The same way I’m trying to convince everyone to take LSD, every day I struggle to get y’all closed-minded bitches to try some octopus. Some perky-ass hoes claim they don’t like the texture. Well, hell, I tell them to suck a dick and then let me know how that texture feel. Word life, according to me, besides being allergic to seafood, the only valid excuse for not trying octopus is to be a homeless bum with no opportunities to even try it. Get some octopus already you filthy mooks! Every night I’m praying to God that fried octopus will one day be available at McDonald’s and KFC. I got crazy visions. I wanna lick my fingers from this shit! This is Fish Talk, baby. Blood, sweat and tears are involved. Church!